My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s shouting at me.
People are like books. You can either read them, or you can burn them. But before I try to read you, I’ve got to ask, Are you a heretic?
Rather than dirt, I’d rather push a wheelbarrow full of books. Dirty books.
I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a romance novel, sort of like The Secret.
In 1,000 pages of Orafoura’s novel, I noticed he repeated one word twice. It really stood out to me. The word? Sit.
It was a cover up. I could tell by the dust jacket.
Love, I wrote the book on it. Unfortunately, nobody would publish it, so I felt compelled to burn my manuscript.
I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy it at all.
My book is a light read. Seriously, it probably weighs 3.33 ounces. That’s pretty impressive, considering it’s an ebook.
I love ebooks. I love the idea of storing books in “The Cloud”, because honestly, reading and rainy days go together like peanut butter and umbrellas.
Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Volume II” audio book a little bit. I’m trying to sacrifice a goat, a burnt offering, and I need silence to start a fire using just my laser-like focus.
I went through and underlined all the funny lines in his book, and by the time I was done, I had underlined his whole book. That would be great if he wrote a humor book, rather than a book on investing.
I collect things that collect dust. Like dust jackets. Despite no fingerprints in the dust on these books, most of the dust jackets say things like, “This book is impossible to put down!” Well, apparently it’s also impossible to pick up.
If this book looks like it took me 15 minutes to put together, that’s because it did! 30 seconds to write it, and 14.5 minutes to illustrate it. (The translating was instantaneous).
There are certain books in the history of the world that should never have been written. This book makes all those look like masterpieces.
I’m working hard to edit my book, so I can get it up for sale so that nobody can rush out and buy it. Hurry and purchase! You don’t want to be the first one to not be the first one.
I want to write a book called “Conversations.” Of course, it’s all talk at this point.
I sped-read through a book that probably weighed a pound, though I only gleaned about nine ounces of information. That's because it was a book on love that I read while making love. I multitask like I pay by the hour.
A book on war is useful, but it’d be even more useful if it could shoot bullets. Or stop them. Or stop illiteracy. Oh, If only Congress could read what they sign into law.
I would have enjoyed “Naked Lunch” that day, but the cafeteria served us all clothing. I like my meals a little more scandalous. I should eat in the library, along with the other gluttonous nudists.
When I have children I want an even number of boys and girls, and that’s why I want 15 kids—7 boys, 7 girls, and one hermaphrodite named Sam.
