Buy one I love you for $3.99. Buy twelve for $48.00. That’s a savings of twelve cents—directly into my bank account. WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD—Objects not intended for individuals who tend to put forever objects in their mouths.
I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric.
If my clone were standing next to me, I’d be beside myself with joy. I’d also be literally beside myself. In that case, I’ll bet you’d love me twice as much, huh?
I am an elevator in a one-story building. I am ascending. But my love for you is still on the ground floor, waiting for you to push the button.
Two guys, a goat, and a ghost: A love story based on true events that may or may not be false. Who doesn’t love a good goat story?
You’ll know I’ve gone into ninja mode because I’ll have turned out the light. I make love like an assassin, and if you hear me snoring, I’m only pretending to be asleep! All love is based on deception. I mean war. War is based on deception. I...
I love you—but not now. I mean don’t bother me now, not that I don’t love you now. Also, now for me isn’t now for you, as my watch is five minutes fast, and that’s why I always seem so futuristic.
Pterodactyl has a silent P. I talk entire conversations using only silent letters. They're also invisible. My I love yous are camouflaged amidst my absence.
I combined a unicycle with coffee table legs. You know, for balance and sexual stamina. I make love like I’m at the drive-thru, and I am, because I’m in a rush and I don’t have time to go all in.
There’s a hair in my food! Well, I did order all the cuddles I can eat. A buffet of sleep is how I describe my love to strangers on trains.
If you party, then I Ben. I’ve been Benning since the beginning. If this doesn’t make sense to you, then you are not alone. And thank God, because is there any worse feeling than being alone? Well, besides being confused.
I put the all in allow. Well, I put in most. All the rest I forbid! If it pleases you, dinner will be ready as soon as you make it.
My response landed me in hot water. A dirty dish also landed in hot water. If I weren’t such a raging feminist, maybe I’d buy a dishwater instead of scrubbing them all by hand.
My love is ripe for the peaching. Let me make Georgia to you all night long—and if I have the endurance, maybe even up to South Carolina.
We made love like my foot cramped up in the middle. That was the last time I tried to do a marathon session.
We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. Cheese doesn’t just make itself by standing around all day drinking coffee, you know.
I gave her all the love I had to give—which wasn’t 100%, but rather 10%. The other 90% either evaporated or got stolen in the name of war reparations.
Will you be my formal yawn formation at dawn? One rocking chair nailed to the floor does not make a relationship, if you know what I mean.
Love is a hooray in your heart. How can I describe how I feel about her except to say it’s almost like swimming in hot nacho cheese sauce, being chased down by a stoned Michael Phelps.
If mannequins had mustaches, I feel there’d be more love in the world. I’ve recently started growing my own vegetables and clothes.
Our sex smelled like love—and monetary transaction. Whatever we had, it was politics at its most honest.
