Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Who’d cum first, you or your clone? To find out, why don’t you go fuck yourself?

Jarod Kintz

Insects have the most sex. Trust me, I peep on them through my microscope.

Jarod Kintz

I wonder if babies could be made more efficiently on a conveyer belt.

Jarod Kintz

The smell of sex always reminds me of summer youth camps growing up.

Jarod Kintz

I want to have sex at 120—pm and years old.

Jarod Kintz

Pregnant women need dick too. And I’m here to sell it to them. I charge by the inch and by the hour.


Jarod Kintz

I get sex. I completely get sex—even though I don’t get sex. I understand it, but I never have it.


Jarod Kintz

Tomorrow night I’m giving a lecture on silence and invisibility. Don’t be surprised if I don’t show up.


Jarod Kintz

If you can be quiet, you’re more than welcome to stay in my House of Silence. Bring your own bubblegum ice cream. 


Jarod Kintz

I toss and turn so much in my sleep that the very act of sleeping must be exhausting for me. Sleeping makes me want to sleep even more.

Jarod Kintz

I like the crunch sound of snow under my boots. Better than stepping on knuckles.

Jarod Kintz

I can envision your success all day long, but until you imagine its reality, it’s not going to happen. So what are you waiting for? Start daydreaming.

Jarod Kintz

My voice is raspy like raspberries. Can you taste what I’m saying?

Jarod Kintz

If my skull were made of glass, I wouldn’t want you to see my thoughts, so I’d fear going bald.

Jarod Kintz

The months roll by like wheels on a wheelchair. Pretty soon it’ll be July. Feels like just last month it was May.

Jarod Kintz

People say the early bird catches the worm. And it’s true! That’s why I work online in the middle of the night—to catch all the worms halfway across the world.

Jarod Kintz

Sometimes I write about the forest, sometimes I write about the trees, and occasionally I’ll write about the lumberjack. Actually, the lumberjack is more the editing part, figuring what needs to be cut.

Jarod Kintz

I’ve spent half my life searching for the truth. The left half of my life.

Jarod Kintz

You don’t have the shadow volume to sit next to me in the sunshine of truth.

Jarod Kintz

10% ago I was 90% unsure of what I didn’t want to do. Now I’m just 33.3% sure that I’m 66.6% unsure. And I can say this with .1% certainty.

Jarod Kintz

I don’t have to extend my hand to greet you. A wink can reach across the room. And a wink in a telescope can stretch across the universe.

Jarod Kintz