Growing up, I had a lot of dreams. I was depressed and I slept all the time.
Design your future. Start with a logo.
Being king is about having all the material things you want, and having nobody you trust enough to share them with.
I have a penis like a fire hose, and I’m here to put out the flames of desire.
I am the mermaid of desire. Half man, half aquatic creature, I fish for my other half.
I look forward to getting my hopes up. I have an appointment for disappointment.
People are filing for divorce left and right. Now they’re using those lefts and rights to masturbate.
Don't marry a man because he has a billion dollars. Divorce him for it.
The cup was empty, but I didn’t drink it because nothing is impossible to drink. So instead, I drank nothing. Nothing is impossible to drink, except nothing.
I asked for a small drink, but he didn’t ask me what cup size. What, will a small not fit in a large?
A bartender is a Keeper of Secrets. Drunk, senseless, useless secrets.
I was too sad to watch her dying, so I shot her. I couldn’t bear the pain of watching her go slowly like that, over the next 50 years.
Yeah, I toss trash out of my car onto the road. But I do it for the good of the economy, because by littering I’m literally creating jobs for garbage collection agencies.
I’ve got the ego of a giant midget. Yes, it’s just that small.
My ego is crying out to be heard. Like a kidnap victim.
After telling me about her job, she asked me, “What do you do?” I sighed softly and asked rhetorically, “It’s sad. What do you do?
I keep a list of our differences. The good news is there’s only one item. The bad news is that the one item reads: Everything.
He didn’t fail to disappoint. He always succeeds at failing.
I used to wrestle, and I had a perfect record. I never failed to fail.
A band should be more famous than an individual, because all else being equal, the band has more mothers and fathers to lend support.
I had a couple of friends in high school. And by a couple I mean my parents.
