When I’m in a relationship, I love like a burrito. And if you’re a taco, don’t talk to me. At our core we may seem similar, but trust me, we are two different items on the menu.
Love is the most pleasurable pain imaginable, and I have experienced more pain-pleasure than a German twin experiencing schadenfreude at the expense of his brother.
He told me his last name was Green. “Green?” I asked. “Can you spell that for me? I’m colorblind.
No matter how hard you try looking for love, Orafoura once told me, the last place you’ll find it is in another man’s ass. But that may not be true, because the last time I lost my boxing gloves, that’s exactly where I found them.
According to research from punchaguywithglasses.com, homeless people are making as much money as most recent college graduates.
I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir.
Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it
I hate when women give me that look. That overlook.
I am the Anagram of Love. I’m not evil, but I am evol. I guess this also makes me the Palindrome of Love!
I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s eyes out with my love poems.
About adultery: Don’t go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.
I am the Guillotine of Love, and I will never lose my head over another woman again.
I could name my penis Steve, and it would be appropriate, as it is sort of shaped like my dad’s face, whose name is Steve. Not just his face, but his whole body and person is named Steve. And he’s a dick.
I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention.
Agatha had so much love she could fill a room. A room filled with strange men, which she often did. I don’t care if every single man in that room looked exactly like me, they were strangers.
I remember the first time I fogged up your astronaut’s helmet. That night we made space like outer love. But I kept it cool like Coors Light in the fridge, even though I felt heavy and cramped in your chilled kitchen appliance.
Agatha’s love had wings like a penguin. Certainly this was a plus in the cold winter months. But our relationship never really took flight. It was grounded like a 747 minus 748.
Can you be in love with more than one person and only one person at the same time? Yes, if you’re in love with two clones.
Love is two souls occupying one bed. Though not a bunk bed.
Aside from murder alibis and kinky sex, what good are clones?
I cut my hair so it looks like I just woke up all the time, so that I can be like, what year is it? I’ve been asleep since the 80s.
