Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The sign outside of the prison said, “Free Johnson,” and I said, “Why would anybody want dick for free?” What kind of lover would that make?


Jarod Kintz

We made love like a flag draped over the coffin of a soldier. But that soldier, he fought for that flag’s enemy—he fought for the innocent people living under the shadow of that flag.


Jarod Kintz

She asked why I wanted to be friends, and I replied, “I love meatloaf.” Of all the things I could have said, that summed up what I hoped our relationship would one day become.

Jarod Kintz

Falling in love is like falling into the arms of a starving cannibal. It’s the only time when dinner for two is dinner for one.

Jarod Kintz

My impression of love: I found her—lucky me. I found her—unlucky her. She’d probably agree with me, which would be a first.

Jarod Kintz

Love is like a river flowing through your heart. I’ll bring the boat, if you bring the bridge.


Jarod Kintz

Love is a combination of understanding and misunderstanding. I’m understanding of your flaws, and I’m misunderstanding why you don’t try to be perfect, like I am.

Jarod Kintz

Weerd is a weird way to write weird, but seemingly more normal than weird. Also, hate is a weird way to write love.

Jarod Kintz

My password is lovehate. I love it. And I hate it.


Jarod Kintz

Mouths are self-loathing and prejudiced, because one mouth will never talk to another mouth—it’ll only talk to two ears. Likewise, the hatred is so great that one mouth will never listen to another mouth, even if it’s saying I love you.


Jarod Kintz

I write music—for whales. You can’t hear it, but rest assured, it’s excellent. Mostly they’re love songs. Listen with your heart—but be careful, because my songs have an irregular beat.

Jarod Kintz

She made my heart melt, like butter. I loved her over a juicy corn on the cob.


Jarod Kintz

I knew I was in love because when I saw her my heart stopped. Obviously it started beating again.


Jarod Kintz

She stole my heart, like a pickpocket. And when my wallet also went missing, I knew it was love.

Jarod Kintz

My feelings for her faded from black to red. Was I in love—or in hell?


Jarod Kintz

After dinner she asked me if I was in love with another woman, and I answered honestly and said, “I think I’ll help myself to seconds.

Jarod Kintz

I am 1/7 billionth of humanity, and I am hungry for truth. I’m also hungry for love, knowledge, and pasta.

Jarod Kintz

The words I love you, as a unit, are like a knife that only stings once you remove the blade from the relationship.

Jarod Kintz

I introduced myself as the man who’d introduce her to her future husband. Then I called over my clone, knowing full well that after they’d fallen in love and gotten engaged, I was going to kill him and take his place.

Jarod Kintz

Love is nebulous, like my idea of what the word nebulous even means.

Jarod Kintz

I love her like a major holiday. You know, not enough people celebrate the joy that is Tax Season, with the High Holy Day coming on April 15th.


Jarod Kintz