Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The smell of silence looks like the ghost of my grandpa. My love is deeper than six feet of dirt, and considerably easier to shovel.

Jarod Kintz

My love is tube shaped. Don't let your dad stick his dick in it.

Jarod Kintz

I’m a sex lover and fan of family reunions. Those two things are unrelated, just as all my sex partners are unrelated (at least to me).

Jarod Kintz

I can see how being invisible would be a good love-making strategy. It’s the ultimate fantasy—because all you can do is fantasize.

Jarod Kintz

My sense of fashion is unmatched. Also, my socks are unmatched. My feet have grown cold, but my love for you has not.

Jarod Kintz

I fell in love with a raincoat. Well, at first. Then later I fell in love with the woman wearing it.


Jarod Kintz

Who’d win in a fight, a tongue twister, or a tornado? How about who’d make a better lover in a diaper, me or Cupid?


Jarod Kintz

Love is like trying to put out a fire with a pair of scissors. I have a thing for redheads with short hair.


Jarod Kintz

Flowers, fragrance, and freedom make me think of her. Love turns the opposite inside out.

Jarod Kintz

A twirling flower turns each petal into a fan blade. Who knew a symbol of love could be so breezy?


Jarod Kintz

My love is like leftovers, and her image is the original meal. I should have eaten it all in one sitting.

Jarod Kintz

Fish strips—where food meets getting naked. My love is also nourishing and nude, and if you want to see it, you’re going to have to get in line with the rest of the starving perverts.


Jarod Kintz

We made love like I made breakfast—a breakfast for one. Still, when I eat alone is when I have the best conversations.

Jarod Kintz

I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.

Jarod Kintz

I loved her like meatloaf. Our love was the kind covered in ketchup—and not gravy.

Jarod Kintz

I make love like I make lasagna. I just made some, so would you like seconds?

Jarod Kintz

I walk like a guitar being strummed, and I love like cheese being forced through a grater. I like my nachos covered in melted music.

Jarod Kintz

Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously. 


Jarod Kintz

Leave me with my leftover meatloaf and my Yesterday Sandwich. I’ll be in love tomorrow, if you come back with the ketchup.

Jarod Kintz

I eat footballs, and I shit touchdowns. And I always wear a helmet when I make love.

Jarod Kintz

Love is a panda in Pandora’s box. But don’t open it, because it took me forever to get it inside.


Jarod Kintz