Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

It has been found that reading love quotes is beneficial to your health. It has been found by me, and I found it under my bed.

Jarod Kintz

You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.

Jarod Kintz

Making love to me is amazing. Wait, I meant: making love, to me, is amazing. The absence of two little commas nearly transformed me into a sex god.


Jarod Kintz

I keep my socks in a filing cabinet, if that tells you what kind of lover I am.

Jarod Kintz

Yeah, you could say her and I are lovers. She wouldn’t say it, and neither would I, but you could.

Jarod Kintz

Love is like 9.75 plus .25. That’s 10, for all of you people trying to add fractions on your fingers.


Jarod Kintz

Two butterflies in two socks could walk faster than I can run. A love song will jog your memory like I jog like Roger Bannister in a wheelchair.

Jarod Kintz

Love is inaudible—until you hear it. And once you do, you’ll never forget the sound of her voice.


Jarod Kintz

Not many men will love you like me. Of course, I’m not many men. I’m just several men. Or I will be, once my clones arrive.

Jarod Kintz

We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment.

Jarod Kintz

The best reason to fall in love is because you’re alive, your heart is open, and your wallet is empty. I prefer women with lots of money.

Jarod Kintz

Exchanging currencies from one country to another needs conversion, but not translation. Money, like love, is a universal language. However, you can’t debase love, no matter how much of it you pump into the world.


Jarod Kintz

Who’d win in a battle of who has the most love, me or Cupid? My money’s on me. Literally. All the money I have in the world is on me at the moment. And if you feel like betting, $7.37 would get you $14.74.

Jarod Kintz

We made love like Mondays on the moon at noon. I was her Neil Armstrong, and she was my midnight.


Jarod Kintz

I loved her like the sun might say to the moon, "Stop stealing my light!"


Jarod Kintz

Just because I’m in love, doesn’t mean I think about her 24/7. No, I only think about her 23/7, because I need an hour a day to contemplate my mortality.

Jarod Kintz

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.


Jarod Kintz

I know I love her, because when I see her my heart beats like a drum. If she played guitar and sang, we could start a band.

Jarod Kintz

I prefer love songs to any other form of torture.

Jarod Kintz

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I’d better go drown myself before I freeze to death.


Jarod Kintz

Love is the throbbing that keeps you awake at night. Or is that simply from taking too much Viagra?


Jarod Kintz