Love has boundaries, like a map, and I guess that makes me a cartographer. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re too topographical for my taste.
I love like a lawnmower in the desert. I love like a solar-powered lunar vehicle. I love like a wind-powered kite factory. Some might even say I love like an ice cube in an oven, but I’d vehemently disagree. It’s not an ice cube, it’s an ice sc...
My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.
Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe.
I love mankind. And by mankind I mean women.
Love is, or you isn’t.
Toothpaste pie is no substitute for swishing around minty-fresh love in your mouth and then rinsing out with cold, refreshing reality. But don’t take my word for it, because I’m not a dentist.
In the throes of passion, I threw out an I love you. Did I mean it? Does a dictionary mean what it says?
Woman, I could drown in your love, but I’d much rather be strangled. More passionate, don’t you agree?
All I need is your love. And money.
Love should last a lifetime. But not the lifetime of a giant tortoise. More like the lifespan of a gastrotrich.
Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.
I’ll tell you what love is. Love is walking up and down Archer Road in Gainesville, Florida and feeling like Cupid. Too bad the cops took issue with me hitch hiking with a bow and arrow.
Love smells like a flower in bloom. A flower that's sitting on a pile of steaming feces.
I long for your love like the length of a midget.
Love doesn’t have form (aside from your naked body), but it does have a shape. The shape of love is circular, like a STOP sign.
If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you rather eat it? As for me, pass me my Speedo, and a spoon.
3.5 billion men in the world all share one I love you. That’s why men rarely say it, because there is only one in the world for the whole gender to share and take turns using.
Love is a gift you receive by giving. The more love you give, the more love you get. Try it out today, and try it out with me. Go ahead—give me all your love.
Love is a gift that costs nothing to give. Love is also the most valuable thing in the world. Think about that next time you’re tempted to call me a cheap bastard because I didn’t buy you a birthday present.
Love is the best gift because it’s free to give and priceless to receive.
