Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Love is all around. I don’t need your leftovers, ma’am. Not unless you’re offering meatloaf.

Jarod Kintz

Life should be lined with love. A stomach should also be lined. So should football fields.

Jarod Kintz

Love is about forgiveness. And since I love you, you should forgive me.

Jarod Kintz

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! 

Jarod Kintz

Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French. 

Jarod Kintz

Have faith my friends, because love will find you eventually. It found me, and I was wearing camouflage clothing, face paint, and cologne that smelled like the wilderness. 

Jarod Kintz

Words are your friends. And lovers. They feel good in your mouth.

Jarod Kintz

Love is like holding a baloney sandwich for a friend. That was over two years ago, and I’m still holding it. I wonder if he’s coming back any time soon. He must be starving by now.

Jarod Kintz

You have to be fun to ride roller coasters. And you have to be tall. My love for you is both of those things, even though I disguise it as a dwarf.

Jarod Kintz

Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs.

Jarod Kintz

As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone.

Jarod Kintz

Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.

Jarod Kintz

Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it takes two to make love on that bench.

Jarod Kintz

I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.

Jarod Kintz

In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.

Jarod Kintz

Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.

Jarod Kintz

If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?

Jarod Kintz

Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.

Jarod Kintz

Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute.

Jarod Kintz

I’ve got a way with love. Away with love.

Jarod Kintz

Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as much as you can. If you really want me to grow as a person, you will water me with betrayal, abuse, neglect, derision, thievery, and possibly even torture.

Jarod Kintz