Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I tried to save money by saving time and not showing up to work. I had more important things to do, like sleep. If I lived in Paris, I’d probably be considered a romantic, but since I’m an American I have to conceal my true identity with the labe...

Jarod Kintz

I drink coffee like other men paint pictures of naked women. I do it because I love the full body.

Jarod Kintz

For the sake of my loved ones, I don’t drink sake.

Jarod Kintz

When I make love I use protection. I wear rubber gloves.

Jarod Kintz

A lightning bolt is sharper than an axe, because it’ll chop down a tree with one strike. My love is like that too—good for making firewood.

Jarod Kintz

In my dreams, my spare penis was decomposing in my closet, and to me it was a symbol of our love.

Jarod Kintz

We haven’t spoken in forever, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t love her. That’s what being in love with a mute is all about.

Jarod Kintz

I sing like a flower, and I dance like a tree. Let us make love like an overflowing cup of coffee.

Jarod Kintz

Last Sunday it was cloudy, and I thought, Who named this day? Then I thought, Why is there no Loveday? Naturally, It would follow Jarodday.

Jarod Kintz

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

Jarod Kintz

I like you, and I, like you, love me.

Jarod Kintz

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

Jarod Kintz

When love knocked at my door, I prayed to God and thanked Him for letting me live in a Porta-potty.

Jarod Kintz

The Mile High City has mile-high expectations. That’s 5,280 feet, you know. That’s five millipedes and 2.8 centipedes for all you lovers out there.

Jarod Kintz

I think we all should be in love once in our lifetime, even if we’re in love with someone who’s not alive in our lifetime. Long distance relations are hard, especially when you’re separated by six feet of dirt.

Jarod Kintz

Imagine there is a balloon tied to a severed human hand. As it floats into the sky it flaps in the breeze, and whether you perceive it to be waving hello or goodbye determines whether you are in love.

Jarod Kintz

Advice about love: When the green grape turns red, it’s time to separate the socks from the mittens.

Jarod Kintz

If you make a nickel a second, you can’t afford to pick up a penny off the ground. It’s the same with love.

Jarod Kintz

What does it say about me that I don’t say much? It doesn’t say I love you, and that’s sad, because when I ignore you, that’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you.

Jarod Kintz

Today I had to cut my Silent and Still Statue Demonstration Ceremony short due to wind conditions. Tonight I’ll make love like a tornado.

Jarod Kintz

I wish my nipples spiraled around and could play records. I could spin love songs while you made love to me like you were a DJ.

Jarod Kintz