One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.
Once the bar gets set too high, simply lower it so you can keep on hitting your goals. You could get a lot more chin-ups done this way.
Sometimes I ask God what I did to deserve her love. I maintain my innocence, and of all the forms of God’s wrath from plagues, pestilence, and famine, her love is by far the cruelest.
Men are the fleas in the gray beard of God, and I’m just itching to meet Him.
My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about you.
Some people say—not to my face, mind you—that I’m a cowardly son of a bitch. And that is simply not true. My mom is not a bitch.
People talk of the “whispering wind.” But what are these secrets of the breeze? I don’t know, but I don't want a gossip to stand downwind of me.
I’m for a big government. A big government contraction.
What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making money—literally printing it. While the private sector has to make money the hard way—by producing a good or service that others willingly want to buy. That’s why the pr...
For dinner I had seared sneer with a glaze of distant gaze, and a side of mashed pride covered in grace.
Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.
Your writing can be chosen by one publisher and hated by all readers, or it can be rejected by one publisher and loved by all readers. Most of the time it’s somewhere in between, but either way, don’t let rejection stop you from being hated.
I’m growing a love seat in my heart. It’s leather and covered in fur, from a mix up with my cat’s back, some glue, my tongue, and my confusion over how to best clean the chair.
She was very close to my heart. Even though we were separated by a distance of 400 years, I was lying on her grave.
The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.
In the morning I brush my teeth with hope, and at night before bed I brush them with defeat. Both are mint flavored, so I try not to get them mixed up.
If we make it out of this alive, I’ll kill you. So you have that to look forward to.
I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical.
I’ve had 24 girlfriends in my life, and all of them occurred in the same two-day evening.
I’m hungry for success. And lasagna.
This leather chair belongs to me. I would let you sit in it, but you can’t sit in an idea.
