I’m not saying I’m not saying. I’m also not saying I’m in love, and I’m not not saying I’m in love.
Liquid kittens would be drinkable cuddles. You wouldn’t ever be thirsty for love.
I’ll carry Carrie like my hands are full of empty. But at least my heart is full. But not with love—with cholesterol.
I drank my lava lamp to get the party started. Later on I made love like a volcano, while I watched TV alone.
The scope of my problem will easily fit in the scope of my rifle. Too bad true love has to come with a mother-in-law.
I’d rather have a horse in a glass, because I’ll be just down the hall if you need me. My affection is fluid, so why won’t you let me love you?
She had no legs, so I made her wear suspenders and I carried her like a backpack. True love knows no luggage.
I’d drink from a hose, but I wouldn’t drink from a horse. I have other ways of showing I love you.
We ate soup in the pouring rain. I said I liked it, even though it was a bit too watery for my taste. Then we made love like two rainbows sizzling in a pan like bacon.
My car would look better with a mustache for a bumper. Then pedestrians would know that I am a superior lover, just before I hit on them.
Love is an intense flickable mystery, like a booger.
He met her because I didn’t show up that day and he went in my place. If they get married, I should be the best man. I am Invisible Cupid, so where’s my monument to love?
I’m like a sexually active bumper sticker. Canned vagina is always so hard to open and eat. Honk if you’re a lover—and in a hurry.
His haircut looked like a spinning Frisbee on his forehead, and that’s why I fell in love. Because his girlfriend got tired of stray dogs trying to catch his face, and she liked that I attracted cats with my catnip body odor.
I pee in the sink, so I can save time by washing my hands at the same time that I am urinating. I’ll bet you’re wondering where my favorite place to make love is.
I’ve been to a horse farm, a magical place where jockeys grow on trees. That’s where we made love for the first time like it was the second time.
Why donate to a sperm bank when you can deposit it directly in different women? When you love the world you try to seed it, like a porn farmer.
Two decaying racehorse carcasses would make a great bathtub. I’m a fast lover.
What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love.
Love is an award you win by losing—or giving it away. Trophies collect dust, but love is the ultimate prize.
Through my quick action, I was able to capture her mannerism and store it in a jar. It looks like mayonnaise, but it tastes like love.
