I saw some kids at an elementary school, and I thought, I wonder if those kids are mine? Any of them—or all of them. It’s possible, because I love making love.
It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love.
Let me be clear: I don’t want to make love to a mannequin—I want to make love like a mannequin. Oh, if only I were that animated in bed.
The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
We rode on the horse like we were in love and drunk on coffee. But that’s silly, because we weren’t drunk and in love. We were just drunk, and not from the coffee either.
I think now is the best time to be in love. No other time in history is more perfect than right now. Especially since I’m currently drinking coffee.
We walked along the beach like two coffee lovers. But we weren’t. He was a fish, and I was astonished—not that a fish was walking, but that he didn’t love coffee.
Too much coffee has been spilled in the name of war. Let us love and savor every drop.
I love Blue Ribbon coffee, and she loves Red Ribbon coffee. I don’t love her, because how could I love someone who loves losers?
I love coffee, and coffee loves me. You know what else loves me? Hookers in hot paper cups.
Love is like 17 cents minus 33,333.50 dollars. No wait, that's not love—that’s how much debt I owe for a worthless college degree.
We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.
She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.
She moved her hands like crane claws as she spoke, trying to dig at the essence of what she was saying. It was the dirtiest I love you I’ve ever heard.
I’d rather have a high EQ than a high IQ. After all, what is more important than love?
He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved.
I’m twice as twice as the guy in second place. My love comes first.
Get a watermelon, draw a face on it, and talk to it before making love to it.
I cook. My favorite thing to make is love.
I make love like a snake disguised as an elephant and a donkey. But I mustn’t talk about sexual congress and Congress simultaneously.
If you have the woman you love, what more do you need? Well, besides an alibi for the time of her husband’s murder.
