The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it.
Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?
I’ve got a great body. It’s got four wheels under it and I drive it to work. I would give you a ride to work, but what am I, a camel? No, I’m the Love Mule.
I often wear camouflaged pants so when I walk I look like a floating torso. I love with the same air of mystery.
I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)
In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader.
I make love like sausage is to bacon as brick is to blanket. Somebody get me some utensils. And some lubrication (not Castrol Motor Oil).
I gave her a broken watch, to symbolize that my love for her is forever and timeless. And as an excuse to why I’m always late.
To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.
Love is the darkness that shines in our hearts. I bought you a flashlight. It’s broken, so you know I care.
Love is timeless, like a broken watch.
We fell in love like nobody’s business. I wish it was everyone’s business, so that I could have made money off it.
I’m putting the finishing touches on a cat. I love petting.
Love, you just know it when you feel it. I feel it now, and it’s furry and purring.
Love is a cat wearing a fur coat in a sauna in the middle of the Sahara Desert at noon. Trust me, I speak from personal experience.
Love is meant to be felt, like a cat. I’m meowing for your affection.
Everything I know about love, my cat taught me. It put its paw on my head and transferred all knowledge to me.
Sometimes meow means, “I love you.” Sometimes it means, “Feed me, you moron.
Do I have cat hair on my face? I was trying to grow out my beard. Let’s make love like two meows trapped in a Ziploc bag.
Everything I know about love came out of a vending machine. I’m still waiting on change.
With the woman I loved, I wouldn’t change one second with her. No, I’d change all the seconds, and the thing I’d change is her.
