Quotes by Jarod Kintz

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup?

Jarod Kintz

I am a love factory. I make love out of high quality plastics at an affordable price.

Jarod Kintz

If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves. They’re lined with fur and are perfect for a cold February 14th winter day. I’ll let you borrow them sometime, maybe even this s...

Jarod Kintz

I love the sunrise, but not as much as I love you. Will you pass me my midnight-black blindfold?

Jarod Kintz

Love is a bird’s nest of emotion that I used as a basket to store picnic items like apples, cheese, wine, and finger foods like thumbs and pinkies.

Jarod Kintz

My love is popular. It must be, because I never have any. Is it because I don’t produce any, or because I’m always sold out?

Jarod Kintz

My love is three times as deep as you voted for. You thought it was two feet deep, but it’s six feet deep, like a grave.

Jarod Kintz

My password is meatlover. My profile picture is a pizza. My love for you is real, like an invisible and inaudible mime parade.

Jarod Kintz

Somebody should merge motorcycles and toilets. You know, for the lover in all of us, just waiting to be released.

Jarod Kintz

I have an abnormally shaped brain. According to neuroimaging, my brain looks like a curled up sleeping kitten. That’s how I make love like meow.

Jarod Kintz

Love isn’t easy. Making love is easy, especially when you’re hard, like I am now. There’s just something about retirement homes that I find erotic.

Jarod Kintz

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.

Jarod Kintz

I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.

Jarod Kintz

Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.

Jarod Kintz

To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.


Jarod Kintz

She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.

Jarod Kintz

She said, “What?” so I replied, “What what?” She gave me a look that said, “What what what?” and I didn’t respond because I fell in love with her.

Jarod Kintz

We made love like two Inuits make love like two popsicles, and then we went back to our cold lives. That was the best summer of my night.

Jarod Kintz

Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.

Jarod Kintz

Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling.

Jarod Kintz

When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle.

Jarod Kintz