Just because your plate is empty, doesn’t mean your stomach is full. Same with love. Where’s the Romance Buffet?
I love microwave dinners. I also like eating other appliances, like fridges and dishwashers.
They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers.
True love is rare, like a good steak. Help me cut it up.
My love is divided into three parts. I’ll give you part one and two for free, but for the fourth installation, you’ll have to pay for it.
In the future, man will travel on flying carpets, and shoes that float on water. And we’ll all make love together, as one, as one might masturbate today.
Forget seeing the future. Most people can’t see the present until it’s in the past. Like me, all my I love yous match up with all my ex’s I loved yous.
The easiest way to get a girl you like to like you back is to initially tell her you’re gay, and then later be all like, I think I’m in love with you—I think you turned me straight.
When I didn’t see a ghost, I knew I’d seen a ghost, because ghosts are invisible. This logic also lets me know when I’m in love.
The best birthday present is an empty box. Smile, it contains all my love for you.
Nothing says I love you like the gift of a half-eaten candy bar. I ate my half two weeks before I remembered to give it to her.
She made my heart melt, so I replaced it with a new candle. Love is illuminating.
I stabbed her with the time. It was 8:00 sharp. Right through the heart, my love is punctual and pointy.
My gas tank is empty, and my stomach is empty, but my heart if full—of love. However, per gallon, I think I paid too much.
The wind helps me unwind. I make love like Don Quixote windmilled into history.
People, they only love themselves because you only love yourself. Love them, and they will love you.
I loved her like I needed her. I soaked her up like a soup bowl made of bread. I’m hungry for her even as I write this now. Somebody get me a spoon!
I have a chip on my shoulder. I don’t have a bad attitude, I have a nacho, and I’m saving it for later. People don’t realize how hungry love makes us.
When I hear someone’s sick, my first thought is selfishly, Better him than me. My second thought is more altruistic: Better him than one of my loved ones.
A fly with an elephant on its back would give the illusion of a flying elephant, if that fly were powered by my love for you.
I hate when a manager falls in love with an employee. Well, if she won’t date me, I just won’t put her on the schedule. If she won’t give me the time of day, I won’t give her any hours.
