Seeing that the pizza slice came to a point, I picked it up and tried to stab my attacker with it. When you’re in love, you’ll do whatever is necessary to protect that person from imminent danger.
Like a pair of dead batteries, I felt energized. Love is the light in my Can of Darkness.
I’d be willing to walk around wearing clothes from the 1930s, telling everyone I am a time traveler. You’ve got to do more than dig if you want to earn the love of a dead women.
Today I am in love. Today is Tuesday, although the day of the week has no influence or impact on the fact that I’m in love. It could be Monday and I’d still be in love, though in that case I would be both in love and depressed at the same time.
I’m divorced, so I know what it takes to make a marriage work. My love is like an empty box of desert. Just add water.
I had a dream about you. You were a midget, only shorter. But your love for me was tall and handsome and everything you’re not.
Love is a miracle drug. Shoot it up through your toes, so nobody knows.
Our time together was a blur—not because I was drunk, which I was, but because our love was like the beating of a hummingbird’s wings.
She ordered beer all night, and I ordered root beer. She was drunk, and so was I—with love.
I can make love for hours, give or take 117 minutes.
I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.
Standing at a urinal, I hold my penis like a cold beer. You look thirsty and sober, so can I get something to drink? You’re expression, is it dehydration—or is it love?
Love says hello, and hate says goodbye. Your mom also says hello.
My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him.
As an aspiring fashion designer, and lover of human anatomy, I always wonder why nipples don’t appear on the outside of shirts.
Love is the best feeling in the universe. Actually, that’s not true. But only because I haven’t been very many places in the universe.
Who’d win in a fight of love? A shark in the desert, or an eagle in the ocean? My money’s on the stripper’s ass.
When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.
I wore a long white dress shirt and no pants, so it looked like a white dress. I felt like a bride in love. Well, at least until my boss fired me.
The fire burnt down our House of Love. Our relationship didn’t work because I was the water, and she was the empty hose.
I’ll use your chicken burrito as a crayon. I’ll draw what love looks like, if you promise not to eat it.
