Why does death have to stop #love? It doesn’t stop people from voting in Chicago.
I want to understand the elements that compose courage in the same way I understand the periodic table. I feel that by knowing the periodic table of courage I can be courageous, at least periodically.
I want to possess enough courage to fill a Campbell’s soup can. And then I want to use my courage to feed the homeless. Isn’t courage not only filling, but delicious?
I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming!
Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here," so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies." And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth.
I want a billion people to know my name as well as they know their own. I want to clone myself to fame.
I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckle...
I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it sounds sappy.
I want to write a book on sex. It will be filled with phrases like "Uuuhgh yeeeaaaah," and "Ooooh that's it," and "Whose hands are those?
I want to never stop growing as a person. I’d love to be well over 8 feet tall.
I want the US government to dispense with all the “red tape,” and start using Caution tape.
I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100.
I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy.
I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror.
I want to replace my knees with miniature Rube Goldberg machines. That way you'll know how difficult it is for me to simply walk out of your life.
I want to remember our fallen heroes. And after I’ve spent a day remembering them, I want to extend my arm and help them up.
I want to have breasts the size of Florida, so that people might see me at Ponte Vedra beach and gasp, “Look at the size of his Naples!
I want to be in the Guinness Book of World Record’s for something ridiculous like juggling poison-tipped porcupines, playing the piano blindfolded while tightrope walking in tights, or throwing a rubber ball in a circular rim adorned with a danglin...
I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive.
I want to put silencers on all guns. That way war will be nothing more than a whisper in the future. And all those who are caught whispering will be shot.
I want to start a band called "Friday Have Been Cancelled" and then hold open auditions every Friday. The sign will read, "Auditions For Friday Have Been Cancelled." I sure hope nobody shows up because I certainly won't be there.
