Quotes by Howard Tayler

About Howard Tayler:

Howard V. Tayler is the award-winning creator of the webcomic Schlock Mercenary. He worked as a volunteer missionary for the LDS Church, then graduated from Brigham Young University. Using his degree in music composition, he started an independent record label.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me. -Captain Tagon

Howard Tayler

Spy' is such a short ugly word. I prefer 'espionage.' Those extra three syllables really say something.

Howard Tayler

Captain, you have heard the charges. How do you plead? Before you answer, you should know that if you plead "guilty" you'll be immediately extradited and U.N.S. law will take over. Not guilty. Also, it's not very nice to lie in court. But it beats ex...

Howard Tayler

So you're a fellow mercenary, then. Does this mean you'll afford me some professional courtesy? Don't ask for that. All it means is that you might get to face the person who kills you. . . But only if it's convenient. -Elf, Glamour Assault Host, & Do...

Howard Tayler

I'll leave you two alone. Morality might be contagious. -Captain Tagon

Howard Tayler

How many words are you having trouble with, sir? Just the ones that I've highlighted. I count at least a dozen, and I haven't gotten out of the first paragraph. That's as far as I got, too. I'm not sure you and I speak the same language. -Lieutenant ...

Howard Tayler

They're holding flushes of face cards, and I think we're the pot. -Ennesby

Howard Tayler

This document outlines our plan to perpetrate insurance fraud, insider trading, and character assassination. ...hopefully tripling our paycheck on this job. Okay, see? Those words I understand just fine. Use them more often. -Lieutenant Massey Reynst...

Howard Tayler

Two minutes worth of signal analysis told me all I needed to know. This station "talks" to the dark matter universe about what goes on inside. How did you cobble together a jammer so quickly? I had one on me. -Commander Andreyasn & Ennesby

Howard Tayler

We either need an overwhelming force advantage, or we need more information. Reinforcements cut into our bounty, remember? It's unanimous. We need more information. -Captain Tagon and Colonel Ceeta

Howard Tayler

Are you done briefing the company yet? We, um... Haven't gotten through the introductions yet. Allow me: Time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, this is the mercenary company "Tagon's Toughs." Company, this is the time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, who will hav...

Howard Tayler

Ennesby, get the Serial Peacemaker to the beach for dustoff." "Dustoff? You're going to run away from three guys?" "No, I'm going to kill or capture those three guys, and then run away from the Police.

Howard Tayler

The way you blunder from one catastrophe to the next, it's a wonder the whole galaxy doesn't hate you. The galaxy is a big place, General. You provincial military types don't get far enough out to really see that. -General Tagon & Captain Kevyn Andre...

Howard Tayler

Air traffic control is going to have a steamy old fit on your dime, boy. They can get in line behind the police, the people whose cars we trashed, the Empire of Ob'enn, the Partnership Collective, and the Wormgate Corporation. Oh, and I think maybe s...

Howard Tayler

Captain, I'm fairly unique among artificial intelligences. I am FREE. I work for you because I want to. I fly your ship for you because I enjoy it. I am compelled to accept orders only by my conscience. This makes me an equal with the rest of your tr...

Howard Tayler

Where's your sense of adventure? It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi. -Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn

Howard Tayler

When the enemy of my enemy is willing to use plasma weapons inside a hotel, I think I can do better than stupid aphorisms, General. -Captain Kevyn Andreyasn

Howard Tayler

Technically, you don't pay me. And technically, most of what I do is "think." I...rrr. ummm. And when you get right down to it, I'm better at it than you are. -Ennesby & Captain Tagon

Howard Tayler

Yes, but none of them can steal my ship. None of them are smart enough to know that it was the right thing to do at the time. -Captain Tagon & Ennesby

Howard Tayler

Do me a favor, doc?" "Anything, ." "Stop italicizing the word 'Captain' when you say it." "Go easy on the fourth wall there, sir." -Captain Andreyasn & Doctor Bunnigus

Howard Tayler

Author Bio

  • NameHoward Tayler
  • DescriptionWriter
  • BornFebruary 29, 1968
  • CountryUnited States Of America