Quotes by George Carlin

About George Carlin:

George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin

I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

George Carlin

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.

George Carlin

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck

George Carlin

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

George Carlin

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

George Carlin

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

George Carlin

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

George Carlin

It's never just a game when you're winning.

George Carlin

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bo...

George Carlin

I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.

George Carlin

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

George Carlin

It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.

George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

George Carlin

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

George Carlin

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

George Carlin

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

George Carlin

You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe ...

George Carlin

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

George Carlin

Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school.

George Carlin.

Author Bio

  • NameGeorge Carlin
  • DescriptionAmerican stand-up comedian
  • AliasesGeorge Denis Patrick Carlin
  • BornMay 12, 1937
  • DiedJune 22, 2008
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Television Actor; Film Actor; Comedian; Television Presenter; Writer; Voice Actor; Radio Host; Stand-up Comic