Quotes by Fred Allen

About Fred Allen:

Fred Allen was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically pointed radio show (1932–1949) made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Fred Allen

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Fred Allen

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Fred Allen

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Fred Allen

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Fred Allen

California is a great place to live if you're an orange.

Fred Allen

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

Fred Allen

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Fred Allen

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

Fred Allen

Author Bio

  • NameFred Allen
  • Descriptioncomedian
  • BornMay 31, 1894
  • DiedMarch 17, 1956
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Radio Host
  • AwardsPeabody Award