Quotes by Eugene Mirman

About Eugene Mirman:

Eugene Boris Mirman is a Russian-born American comedian and writer. Mirman is known for playing Yvgeny Mirminsky on Delocated, and voicing Gene Belcher on the animated comedy Bob's Burgers.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it means to be lonely. But you're wrong. Prom is a chanc...

Eugene Mirman

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

Eugene Mirman

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

Eugene Mirman

Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not let them direct your interaction on their terms, do it on yours. Ask a Misdirection Question--something too ...

Eugene Mirman

Do whatever you want. Break stuff, touch your penis or boobs to anything, whatever.

Eugene Mirman

Over the years I've received thousands of e-mails looking for guidance. Some have real problems; some talk about monkeys and poo--though those people may also have real problems.

Eugene Mirman

Yes? No? It doesn't matter. In America, "Qualification" is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Eugene Mirman

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

Eugene Mirman

Some PR is about getting information about a great product or thingy out to the people who would enjoy it, while other PR is about creating a web of lies that conceals the fact that your company harnesses the energy produced by rape and uses it to ma...

Eugene Mirman

The other thing you can do is write a strong personal essay which lets admissions people inside your life, your heart, and your world. ... Anyway, it can be hard to figure out what to write about, so here are a few suggestions: ... 5. Reasons it's wr...

Eugene Mirman

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

Eugene Mirman

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

Eugene Mirman

High School: Oh, man. This is where boys and girls go from tweens to teens and become complicated and cruel. Girls play sick mind games; boys try to pull each other's penises off and throw them in the bushes. If you can, buy the most expensive jeans ...

Eugene Mirman

Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.

Eugene Mirman

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!)

Eugene Mirman

The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.

Eugene Mirman

I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

Eugene Mirman

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

Eugene Mirman

I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.

Eugene Mirman

Comedy clubs were something that came to pass in the '80s, but toward the end of that, in the early '90s, people started doing comedy again in alternative spaces.

Eugene Mirman

Author Bio

  • NameEugene Mirman
  • DescriptionAmerican comedian
  • BornJuly 24, 1974
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Voice Actor; Television Director