Quotes by Erma Bombeck

About Erma Bombeck:

Erma Louise Bombeck was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns, using broad and sometimes eloquent humor, chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife. By the 1970s, her columns were read twice-weekly by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers in the U.S. and Canada.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Erma Bombeck

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Erma Bombeck

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

Erma Bombeck

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

Erma Bombeck

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad ...

Erma Bombeck

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Erma Bombeck

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

Erma Bombeck

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

Erma Bombeck

We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of...

Erma Bombeck

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

Erma Bombeck

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

Erma Bombeck

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

Erma Bombeck

I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.

Erma Bombeck

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

Erma Bombeck

Housework can kill you if done right.

Erma Bombeck

Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.

Erma Bombeck

Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have a market on the supply. "Do you want a spanking or do you want to go to bed?" Don't you want to save some of the pizza for your broth...

Erma Bombeck

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

Erma Bombeck

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.

Erma Bombeck

In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV......

Erma Bombeck

Author Bio

  • NameErma Bombeck
  • DescriptionWhen I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
  • BornFebruary 21, 1927
  • DiedApril 22, 1996
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionWriter