Quotes by Erma Bombeck

About Erma Bombeck:

Erma Louise Bombeck was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. Bombeck also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. From 1965 to 1996, Erma Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns, using broad and sometimes eloquent humor, chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife. By the 1970s, her columns were read twice-weekly by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers in the U.S. and Canada.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Erma Bombeck

Girls mature faster than boys, cost more to raise, and statistics show that the old saw about girls not knowing about money and figures is a myth. Girls start to outspend boys before puberty—and they manage to maintain this lead until death or an u...

Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Erma Bombeck

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

Erma Bombeck

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Erma Bombeck

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Erma Bombeck

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Erma Bombeck

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

Erma Bombeck

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Erma Bombeck

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

Erma Bombeck

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Erma Bombeck

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the ma...

Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Erma Bombeck

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Erma Bombeck

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Erma Bombeck

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Erma Bombeck

Author Bio

  • NameErma Bombeck
  • DescriptionWhen I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
  • BornFebruary 21, 1927
  • DiedApril 22, 1996
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionWriter