Quotes by Eoin Colfer

About Eoin Colfer:

Eoin Colfer is an Irish author of children's books. He worked as a primary school teacher before he became a full-time writer. He is best known for being the author of the Artemis Fowl series. In September 2008, Colfer was commissioned to write the sixth instalment of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, entitled And Another Thing ..., which was published in October 2009.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?

Eoin Colfer

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?" "That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney." "Oh, really?" "O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?" "Very good. You should be on the stage." "It's funny you should mention that." T...

Eoin Colfer

If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.

Eoin Colfer

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

Eoin Colfer

That was horrible. Horrible. That poor little guy." Pex was unrepentant. "Yeah, well, he asked for it. Calling us ... all those things." But---buried alive! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know -- the one with all the horror." I think I saw that ...

Eoin Colfer

The sarcasm made a slight whistling noise as it flew over Loafers' head.

Eoin Colfer

Careful, Mr. Spiro, guns are dangerous. Especially the end with the hole.

Eoin Colfer

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

Eoin Colfer

In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter—they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

Eoin Colfer

Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

Eoin Colfer

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

Eoin Colfer

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?” “Cheese made by dwarfs.” “Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .” “No. What a horrible thought.” “Exactly.

Eoin Colfer

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

Eoin Colfer

Orion brightened. "I have an idea." "Yes?" said Foaly, daring to hope that a spark of Artemis remained. "Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birth...

Eoin Colfer

Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut." Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell. "I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterica...

Eoin Colfer

What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?

Eoin Colfer

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw some...

Eoin Colfer

How do I love thee? wondered Orion. "Let me see. I love thee passionately and eternally...obviously eternally-that goes without saying." Holly blinked sweat from her eyes. "Is he serious?" she called over her shoulder to Foaly. "Oh, absolutely," said...

Eoin Colfer

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Eoin Colfer

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

Eoin Colfer

Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.

Eoin Colfer

Author Bio

  • NameEoin Colfer
  • DescriptionIrish author of children's books
  • BornMay 14, 1965
  • CountryIreland
  • ProfessionWriter; Novelist; Children's Writer
  • WorksArtemis Fowl