About Elayne Boosler: Elayne Boosler is an American comedian and advocate for animal rescue.
I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the a...
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.
My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.
A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.
As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.
Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.
Horse racing is waning in popularity.
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.
I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.
My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.
When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the sh...
