I had a dream about you. You wondered if there were any more honest men left in the world, and so did I, because I worked for the government, and if there were any honest men left in the world then it was my job to find them and kill them. After I ro...
I had a dream about you. You wanted to go skydiving, and I said, “Let’s try to rent Greg Louganis to be our coach.” You said it was two different kinds of diving, and I knew what you meant. We are heterosexual, and Greg is a homosexual. Though ...
I had a dream about you. You were a florist, and I was a floorist. You thought you were more romantic than me, but I knew all the barefoot women in the Nicholas Sparks fan club would disagree.
I had a dream about you. You started following me on Twitter, and then you started following me around town. I wouldn’t mind so much of you would start throwing your hashtags away, rather than tossing them into the street.
I had a dream about you. You claimed Orafouraville was a town, and I declared it a city. You said it was one resident shy of being a city, and I said, “So what if that one resident is shy? Do shy people not count as citizens? Do introverts not pay ...
I had a dream about you. We were debating the nature of love, and you said it was invisible, and I said it was the color of gold. You accused me of being a banker, and I accosted you for it. Nobody calls me a banker and lives to tell about it.
I had a dream about you. You winked at me and said the meat’s fresh, and I didn’t know which meat you were referring to. So I zipped up my pants and left the Men’s room in a hurry. I’d rather buy my thinly sliced beef somewhere else.
I had a dream about you. We were laying down asphalt, and you said we were building a future together. Then I watched as a chicken crossed over our work, and I said, “No, we are building a joke.”
I had a dream about you. You were a tax collector, and I was a man with a noose around my neck hanging from a tree. You said I could be freed if I’d only pay my taxes, and I said as long as I paid taxes I’d never be free. I said I was freer in a ...
I had a dream about you. Your face was puffy, like a puffer fish, only puffier, and I thought it was from crying. Nope, turns out you were just fat. But at least you were fat and happy.
I had a dream about you. We were racing to be the slowest person on earth. You were winning, which meant you were losing. You were gloating because you were a winner, and I was taunting because you were a loser.
I had a dream about you. You wanted to be like Amelia Earhart, and I took you to mean you were trying to find yourself. Then I understood what you were telling me, and I sold you an invisible airplane.
I had a dream about you. I’d just invented a meltless popsicle, and you’d just created melted ice cream in a can—as a substitute for soup. You looked at me as if I was some sort of creep, and I looked at you through binoculars, while sitting in...
I had a dream I was a samurai who invented the poncho, and I sold my ponchos to Mexico. The irony is… I invented them for women.
I had a dream about you. You were washing your car, and I was washing my horse. You thought I belonged in the 19th century, and I thought you belonged in a zoo. I wasn’t alone in thinking that—so were the other 49% of the population that didn’t...
I had a day dream about you.” “Oh, really? What was it about?” “Schizophrenia. And I’m still having it.”
I had a dream about you, I had come home late at night and you were on the couch with your arms raised as if you were reaching for the sky when I asked what you were doing, you replied "Getting better reception on the TV" I am now convinced you are a...
I had a dream I was in a dream and then that dream told me I was in someone else's sock drawer.
I had a dream I was able to fly now I have chained my bead to the ground. I like walking dreams better.
I had a dream I was in an old woman's closet peeing on a giant shoe. Sorry grandma I thought it was the bathroom. I hate vacations where someone carries you out of the car and puts you in a bed that smells like mothballs.
I had a dream you stopped by the shop and helped us get more followers for Facebook and twitter. And then you showed up tomorrow and were like “here!” and you threw 5000 likes on me and it felt like slugs. And smelled like fried chicken. I was so...
