Quotes by Dennis Miller

About Dennis Miller:

Dennis Miller is an American stand-up comedian, talk show host, political commentator, sports commentator, actor, television personality, and radio personality.
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You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Dennis Miller

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.

Dennis Miller

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?

Dennis Miller

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

Dennis Miller

I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.

Dennis Miller

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

Dennis Miller

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an edge.

Dennis Miller

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.

Dennis Miller

Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.

Dennis Miller

I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless.

Dennis Miller

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Dennis Miller

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Dennis Miller

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Dennis Miller

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.

Dennis Miller

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

Dennis Miller

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

Dennis Miller

Never have lives less lived been more chronicled.

Dennis Miller

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

Dennis Miller

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

Dennis Miller

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

Dennis Miller

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.

Dennis Miller

Author Bio

  • NameDennis Miller
  • DescriptionAmerican stand-up comedian, television host, and actor
  • BornNovember 3, 1953
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionComedian; Radio Host; Actor; Film Producer; Author
  • WorksSaturday Night Live
  • AwardsEmmy Award