Quotes by David Letterman

About David Letterman:

David Michael Letterman is an American former television host, comedian, writer, producer, and actor.
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There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

David Letterman

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as...

David Letterman

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

David Letterman

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

David Letterman

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

David Letterman

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

David Letterman

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

David Letterman

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?

David Letterman

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

David Letterman

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

David Letterman

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

David Letterman

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.

David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

David Letterman

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?

David Letterman

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

David Letterman

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

David Letterman

There is no off position on the genius switch.

David Letterman

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

David Letterman

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.

David Letterman

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

David Letterman

Author Bio

  • NameDavid Letterman
  • DescriptionAmerican comedian and actor
  • AliasesDave Letterman; David Michael Letterman; Dave
  • BornApril 12, 1947
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionTelevision Presenter; Comedian; Television Meteorologist; Writer; Actor
  • AwardsPrimetime Emmy Award; Daytime Emmy Award