About Chris Rock: Christopher Julius is an American comedian, actor, screenwriter, producer, and director.
Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is...
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.
I love what's happened to me, but when I was a kid, I wanted to be the president of the United States.
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
A man is only as faithful as his options.
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
