Quotes by Chelsea Handler

About Chelsea Handler:

Chelsea Joy Handler is an American comedian, actress, author, television host, and producer. She hosted a late-night talk show called Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014, and is currently preparing to host a show on Netflix in 2016. In 2012, Time placed her on the list of its 100 Most Influential People.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

We checked our bags and got on line with some of our fellow passengers. Judging from the looks of them, it was clear that they were members of a different income bracket from the people I preferred to surround myself with. But since I also wasn't fro...

Chelsea Handler

Why are babies allowed to cry when they wake up, but adults crying when they wake is frowned upon? Babies are permitted to act like assholes whenever they feel like it and no one blinks...

Chelsea Handler

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

Chelsea Handler

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

Chelsea Handler

It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.

Chelsea Handler

I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.

Chelsea Handler

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Chelsea Handler

I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared.

Chelsea Handler

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

Chelsea Handler

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

Chelsea Handler

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Chelsea Handler

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll ...

Chelsea Handler

This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you're alarmed but you eat it. It all comes from the same place! You ...

Chelsea Handler

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

Chelsea Handler

Something is definitely wrong with my feelings about marriage and procreation. I worry that not only am I missing the chromosome that allows me to dance respectably, but that I am also lacking a conventional vagina.

Chelsea Handler

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

Chelsea Handler

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

Chelsea Handler

We women have to stick together.

Chelsea Handler

Author Bio

  • NameChelsea Handler
  • DescriptionAmerican comedian, actress, author and talk show host
  • AliasesChelsea Joy Handler
  • BornFebruary 25, 1975
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Comedian