Quotes by Artie Lange

About Artie Lange:

Arthur Steven "Artie" Lange, Jr. is an American actor, comedian, radio personality, and author, best known for being part of The Howard Stern Show and the television sketch comedy series Mad TV.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.

Artie Lange

Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Artie Lange

The road is a lonely place, and that sounds like a cliche, you know, like what is my life?

Artie Lange

Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Artie Lange

Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be.

Artie Lange

I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.

Artie Lange

When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.

Artie Lange

You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of ways, you don't have anything to give once you give it to the people.

Artie Lange

The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons.

Artie Lange

I never went through a period were I wanted to be a doctor, a cop or even a rock star. All I wanted to do was play short stop for the Yankees from the time I was about 5. Then I turned 15 and realized how silly that was and just gave up on it.

Artie Lange

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

Artie Lange

When I encountered rich people for the first time, I discovered that not only do they holiday in places that are hard to find on a map, but that they also use the names of seasons as verbs. When they asked me, 'Where did you summer and winter growing...

Artie Lange

To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.

Artie Lange

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

Artie Lange

'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

Artie Lange

You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'

Artie Lange

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real t...

Artie Lange

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.

Artie Lange

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Artie Lange

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

Artie Lange

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine.

Artie Lange

Author Bio

  • NameArtie Lange
  • DescriptionComedian, radio personality
  • BornOctober 11, 1967
  • CountryUnited States Of America
  • ProfessionActor; Author