Chris MacNeil: Operator, you've given me the number four times. What did you do, take an illiteracy test to get that job for Christ sake?
Chris MacNeil: We've got rats in the attic. You better get some traps. Karl: Rats? Chris MacNeil: Mm-hmm. 'Fraid so. Karl: But the attic is clean. Chris MacNeil: All right, then we've got clean rats.
Regan MacNeil: Captain Howdy, do you think my mom's pretty? Captain Howdy? Captain Howdy, that isn't very nice! Chris MacNeil: Well, maybe he's sleeping.
[last lines - original version] Chris MacNeil: Father Dyer? I thought you'd like to keep this.
Dr. Barringer, Clinic Director: There is one outside chance for a cure. I think of it as shock treatment - as I said, it's a very outside chance... Have you ever heard of exorcism? Well, it's a stylized ritual in which the rabbi or the priest try to ...
Sharon Spencer: I should have known better. I'm sorry. Chris MacNeil: Yeah, I guess you should have. Sharon Spencer: How were the tests? Chris MacNeil: We have to start looking for a shrink.
[after fighting with Karl] Burke Dennings: So, what's for dessert?
Father Dyer: Listen, if you ever go up there again will you take me along? Astronaut: What for? Father Dyer: First missionary on Mars.
Lt. Kinderman: If certain British doctors never asked "What is this fungus?" we wouldn't today have penicillin, correct?
Burke Dennings: Shall we summon the writer? He's in Paris. Chris MacNeil: Hiding? Burke Dennings: Fucking.
[to a prominent senator at Chris' party] Burke Dennings: There seems to be an alien pubic hair in my gin. Never seen it before in my life! Have you?
Chris MacNeil: Oh no, that was no spasm. I got on the bed. The whole bed was thumping and rising off the floor and shaking. The whole thing, with me on it! Dr. Klein: Mrs. MacNeil, the problem with your daughter is not her bed; it's her brain.
Demon: Give us time... Let the girl die... I am no one... I am no one... Fear the priest... Fear the priest... Merrin... Merrin.
[2000 version] Lt. Kinderman: You go to films, Father Dyer? You like them? Father Dyer: Oh, sure. Lt. Kinderman: I get passes. In fact I've got a pass for the Crest tomorrow night. You'd like to go? Father Dyer: What's playing? Lt. Kinderman: "Wuther...
Father Merrin: [looking at the Pazuzu Amulet] Evil against evil.
[last lines - 2000 version] Father Dyer: You know, you look a bit like Bogart. Lt. Kinderman: You noticed.
Chris MacNeil: How do you go about getting an exorcism? Father Damien Karras: I Beg your pardon?
Karl: It wants no straps.
