Gordie: [after Gordie and Chris set off the gun] That tupper babe saw me! Chris: Aw, shit, Gordie! She thought it was firecrackers. Gordie: I don't care! That was a mean trick, Chris! Chris: Hey, Gordie! I didn't know it was loaded! Gordie: You swear...
Chris: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? Teddy: Hey, I'm French, okay? Chris: Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant. [Chris and Gordie laugh] Teddy: Didn't I just say I was French?
Chris: "Suck my fat one"? Whoever told you that you had a fat one, Lachance? Gordie: Biggest one in four counties.
Vern: I wasn't that scared. I wasn't. Sincerely. Gordie: Okay. Then you won't mind if we check the seat of your jockies for Hershey squirts, will you? Vern: Go screw.
Vern: Ha-ha! You flinched! Two for flinching! Two for flinching! [Teddy punches him twice in the arm] Vern: ...B-but... you flinched! Teddy: I know. Two for flinching.
Teddy: Ha ha, Gordie loses! You lose Gordie! Ol' Gordie just screwed the pooch! Gordie: Does the word "retarded" mean anything to you? Teddy: Gordie, go get the food, you morphodite. Gordie: Don't call me any of your mother's pet names. Teddy: You're...
Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman? Teddy: What are you, cracked? Vern: Why not? I saw the other day. He was carrying five elephants in one hand! Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy...
Vern: There's one thing I didn't understand. Did Lardass have to pay to get in the contest? [Chris and Teddy sighs] Gordie: No, Vern. They just let him in.
Vern: Come on you guys. Let's get moving. Teddy: Yeah, by the time we get there, the kid won't even be dead anymore.
Gordie: But you didn't miss him. Chris Chambers never misses, does he? Chris: Not even when the ladies leave the seat down.
Chris: You're gonna be a great writer someday, Gordie. You might even write about us guys if you ever get hard-up for material. Gordie: [wiping away his tears] Guess I'd have to be pretty hard-up, huh?
The Writer: At the beginning of the school year, Vern had buried a quart jar of pennies underneath his house. He drew a treasure map so he could find them again. A week later, his mom cleaned out his room and threw away the map. Vern had been trying ...
Vern: What am I supposed to do, think of everything? I brought the comb! Teddy: Oh, great! You brought the comb! What did you bring a comb for? You don't even have any hair!
Charlie Hogan: Besides, me and Billy found him first! Teddy: Yeah, Vern told us how you found him! [in a high, mocking voice] Teddy: Oh Billy, I wish we'd never boosted that car! Oh Billy, I think I just turned my Fruit-of-the-Looms into a fudge fact...
[after they had dinner] Vern: Nothing like a smoke after a meal. Teddy: Yeah... I cherish these moments. [group chuckles] Teddy: What? What did I say?
Vern: You guys wanna go see a dead body?
Teddy: I'll kill you! Milo: You come on and try it, you slimy bastard. Chris: He wants you to come over there so he can beat the piss out of you and take you to the cops. Milo: You watch your mouth, smart guy! Let him do his own fighting. Gordie: Sur...
Eyeball: [about Ray Brower] Shit! When they gonna give up? The kid's gone. They ain't never gonna find him. Charlie Hogan: Not where they're looking. Billy Tessio: Hey, Eyeball's right, Charlie. They ain't never gonna find him. Eyeball: ["tatooing" E...
