Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars? Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man. Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time? Lawrence: Damn st...
Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Bob Porter: Don't... don't care? Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see ...
Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately. Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been *missing* it, Bob.
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ghee-na-na-jar. Nagheenanajar. Michael Bolton: Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton. Samir: You know, there's nothing wrong with that name. Michael ...
Michael Bolton: PC load letter! What the fuck does that mean?
Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my l...
Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've ...
Tom Smykowski: It was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor... and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO. Michael Bolton: That's the worst idea I've ever heard in my...
Peter Gibbons: Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?" Lawrence: No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kic...
Milton Waddams: The ratio of people to cake is too big.
Bob Porter: We're gonna be getting rid of these people here... First, Mr. Samir Naga... Naga... Naga... Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.
Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
Michael Bolton: Peter, you're in deep shit. You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing? Peter Gibbons: Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.
Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair? Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted...
Bill Lumbergh: Milt, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would...
[Peter and Lawrence are working on the crew cleaning up the burned Initech building] Peter Gibbons: This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, gettin' exercise, workin' outside. Lawrence: Fuckin' A. Peter Gibbons: [nods] Fuckin' A.
Peter Gibbons: You're gonna lay off Samir and Michael? Bob Slydell: Oh yeah, we're gonna bring in some entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore, that's the usual deal. Bob Porter: Standard operating procedure. Peter Gibbons: Do they kno...
[last lines] Milton Waddams: Excuse me? Excuse me, senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada, and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt, floating in the g...
