J. Russell Finch: You want me to tell you something? As far as I'm concerned the whole British race is practically finished. If it hadn't been for lend-lease. If we hadn't have kept your whole country afloat by giving you billions that you never even...
Tyler Fitzgerald: Anybody can fly plane, now here: I'll check you out. Put your little hands on the wheel there. Now put your feet on the rudder. There. Who says this ol' boy can't fly this ol' plane? Now I'm gonna make us some Old Fashioneds the old...
Lennie Pike: All right lady, are you gonna get out or am I gonna have to throw you out? Emmeline Finch: Oh please Mr. Pike, don't get upset. Mrs. Marcus: He's not gonna do anything! Drive on, ya big stupid idiot!
Mrs. Marcus: [holding a planter containing several cactus] Well, where should I put this? J. Russell Finch: [scoffing] Oh, boy.
Mrs. Marcus: [Referring to her son, Sylvester] Exactly like your father! A big stupid muscle-headed moron!
Benjy Benjamin: [in a hospital in bandages and casts] It's all your fault. It's all your fault right from the beginning to the end. J. Algernon Hawthorne: You know, even for a policeman, your behavior was ruddy outrageous. Sylvester Marcus: Yeah, you...
Police Chief Aloysius: [to Captain Culpeper] It's no. The answer is no. He won't back any increase in pensions. He won't even talk about it. And there won't be any increase in pensions. And do you know why? Because they got a solid majority of both R...
Lennie Pike: [after Smiler Grogan literally kicks the bucket] That guy's dead. You better believe it. Benjy Benjamin: Oh, I believe it all right, but if he jumps up again like he did before, I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
Lennie Pike: Now fellas, you keep this up and I'm gonna get sore. I mean it.
[last lines] Mrs. Marcus: [as she, with Emmeline and Monica in tow, enter the prison hospital, right after Benjy throws the banana peel on the floor] Now see here, you idiots, it's all your fault, because if you hadn't... [slips on the banana peel an...
J. Russell Finch: Lets stop arguing please! The only reason were together is because they only had one car. So lets get there, even if we are last. J. Algernon Hawthorne: Whatever the outcome of the day I shall never forget that you hit me when I was...
Otto Meyer: Hey, wait a minute! I can't cross here. You said the main road. This is Niagara Falls. All right, look. You're a little boy. You wanna be a big boy? Which way to the main road?
Third Cab Driver: They're up to something funny, you hear what I'm telling you? Now, did you see the blonde I brought? All covered with paint and her dressed ripped. Now what was that all about? Second cab driver: Yeah. And what about the picks and s...
Mrs. Marcus: "No matter what you've all done today, you're really not criminals". Ha! Of all the snooty, patronizing... [to Pike] Mrs. Marcus: You're stepping on my foot! Sylvester Marcus: Would you get off Mama's foot?
Second cab driver: [they're chasing Capt. Culpeper] He's heading for the border. Let's stop and call the police station. Mrs. Marcus: You shut up! We're gonna get that money. Keep driving! Second cab driver: That woman is something else.
First cab driver: That'll be $2.90. Melville Crump: Okay, here's $3.00. Wait for us, okay? First cab driver: [sarcastically] Oh sure. Melville Crump: Wise guy.
Dinckler's Hardware Store clerk: I'm sorry, we're closed. It's 12:00 on Sunday. Melville Crump: It's 12:00, they're closed. WAIT A MINUTE! All we want is a pick and a shovel. Dinckler's Hardware Store clerk: Well, Mr. Dinckler is inside... Melville C...
Col. Wilberforce: [completely tangled up in the radio's microphone cord] What the HELL is with this wire?
