[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet] Ferris: Never had one lesson!
[hearing a fake phone message] Sloane: [crying on machine] We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a... death in the family. Ed Rooney: Grace, Ferris Bueller is behind this. There is no doubt in my mind, and now, he's got Sloane Peterson invo...
Sloane: What could happen to it? It's in a garage. Cameron: It could get wrecked, stolen, scratched, breathed on wrong... a pigeon could shit on it! Who knows?
Ferris: I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it stil...
Sloane: What are we going to do? Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?" Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. ...
[a baseball game is on television] Ed Rooney: What's the score? Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'. Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning? Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.
Ferris: [Ferris is calling Cameron at home] Cameron, babe, what's happenin'? Cameron: [Cameron lying in bed underneath covers] Very little.
Sloane: Mr. Rooney... Ed... you're a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.
[Calling her mother's office] Jeannie: Well, where is she? This is her daughter. [pause] Jeannie: Do know where she is? [pause] Jeannie: Well, do you know when she'll be back? [pause] Jeannie: Do you know anything? [slams down receiver]
Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself. Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. [Ferris caresses the car in admiration] Cameron: No. No! Apparently, you don't understand! Ferr...
[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems... ] Boy in Police Station: There's someone you should talk to. Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle. Boy in Police Station: Oh, you know him?
Cameron: Hey batta batta batta hey batta batta batta SWING batta!
[the guys just notice the "additional miles" on the car] Ferris: [to the audience] Here's where Cameron goes berserk. Cameron: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! [Cameron's screams can be heard all across Chicago]
Girl on Bus: Gummi bear? It's been in my pocket; they're real warm and soft.
Cameron: [Ferris slowly pulls the Ferrari out of the garage] No! Ferris, forget it! You're just gonna have to think of somethin' else. I'm puttin' my foot down. [Ferris keeps driving] Cameron: How bout we rent a nice Cadillac? My treat! We could call...
Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris? [Solicits Jeannie] Shermerite: Save Ferris? Jeannie: Excuse me? Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. T...
[last lines] Ferris: You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.
Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
