Joel: This is working like gangbusters.
Patrick: Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies. Stan: Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.
Mary: That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist.
Joel Barish: Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years.
[Mary is stoned, and Joel has just gone off the map] Mary: He could wake up all half-baked and, gooey and, and half-baked... mmm, that sounds sooo good. I'm hungry.
Carrie: You're stoned and you're driving. Rob: Pot balances me out. Pot brings me up. That's I smoke it if I'm going to be drinking.
Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you. Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me. Joel: Okay.
Joel: I'm so ashamed. Clementine: It's okay, you're a little kid.
Clementine: You married? Joel: No. Clementine: Let's move into this neighborhood! Joel: I do sorta live with someone though. Clementine: Male or female? Joel: What? Female... female... Clementine: At least I'm not barking up the wrong tree!
Mary: I wanted to understand as much as I could about the procedure as possible... I think it's important for my job to understand the inner workings of the work that we do, well not that I do, but the work that is done by people where I also work, t...
Howard: [overlapping speech] We'll dispose of these mementos when we're done here, that way you won't be confused by their unexplainable presence in your home.
[Clementine is trying to comfort baby Joel by showing him her crotch] Clementine: My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it. Joel: Yuck!
Stan: He's off the map. He's off the map!
Rob: The plane crashed. I didn't crash the plane.
[Clementine is leading Joel out onto the frozen Charles River] Joel: I don't know. What if it breaks? Clementine: What if? Do you really care right now?
Carrie: She decided to erase you almost as a lark.
Howard: You want to empty your home, you want to empty your life, of Clementine.
Clementine: I'm fucking crawling out of my skin. I should've left you at the flea market.
