Olive: Why do you have to be so masso... masso... David Shayne: Masochistic. Olive: Masochistic? What the does that mean? David Shayne: It means someone who enjoys pain. Olive: Enjoys pain? What is she, *retarded*?
Rita: For me, love is very deep, sex only has to go a few inches.
Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry. David Shayne: How'd you know what I drank? Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
Sheldon Flender: [bragging] I have never had a play produced. That's right. And I've written one play a year for the past twenty years. David Shayne: Yes, but that's because you're a genius. And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals ...
Helen Sinclair: You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No... not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.
Venus: You better get in the mood, honey, 'cause he's payin' the rent.
Helen Sinclair: No, no, don't speak. Don't speak. Please don't speak. Please don't speak. No. No. No. Go. Go, gentle Scorpio, go. Your Pisces wishes you every happy return. David Shayne: Just one... Helen Sinclair: Don't speak.
Cheech: Olive, I think you should know this: you're a horrible actress. [Cheech shoots Olive dead]
Sheldon Flender: You, you, you're all missing the point, the point is I can give pleasure many times a day! Rita: Oh, now, really Flender, what does quantity got to do with it? Sheldon Flender: Quantity, quantity affects quality! David Shayne: Says w...
[Cheech is helping Olive rehearse a scene] Olive: Can't you see? You're living out the exact same pattern your mother lived out with your father. Cheech: I am? Pray tell. Olive: In some way you're trying to relive it and in the process of reliving it...
Helen Sinclair: She's perky all right. She makes you want to sneak up behind her with a pillow and suffocate her.
Nick: Let's avoid confusion. She'll get some lines, or I'll nail your knee caps to the floor.
David Shayne: Maybe Olive's got stage fright. Maybe she won't show. Julian Marx: Not Olive. That dame doesn't have a nerve in her body. I don't think her spinal cord touches her brain.
Helen Sinclair: I'm still a star. I never play frumps or virgins.
Cheech: It stinks on fucking hot ice.
Olive: Hey, didn't I tell you to make "horse durves"? Venus: I don't make nothin' out of horses, especially "horse durves", 'cause I don't know what they are, and neither do you. Olive: Oh, aren't you the big mouth since you hit your number! [raising...
Sid Loomis: You're a star because you're great and you are a great star, but let me tell you something, Helen. In the last couple of years you're better known as an adulteress and a drunk. And I say this in all due respect. Helen Sinclair: Look, I ha...
