I measured the length of my hand today, and just as I thought, it’s exactly as long as my other hand. I was so excited I started clapping.
The sky itches and that’s why I tickled it with the feather of a bird. Do you realize it’s been 14 days since two weeks ago? Boy, time flies.
I’m a sound sleeper. Every time I hear a sound I wake up. Sometimes I envy Helen Keller.
Life is getting weirder by the minute. Would you like to buy 60 seconds? No? How about buy one 30 seconds, get one half-minute half off?
The watch I bought this year looks exactly like the watch I bought last year, only it’s lighter, because it’s got 365 less days in it.
Time flows like a river, and we all wish we were like salmon that can swim against it. Life's too grizzly for it to be that easy.
It’s Wednesday, and that means tonight I’ll be eating leftover Tuesday Salad. I should sprinkle a few Fridays on top, to improve the flavor.
Love is timeless, like a broken watch. I got it off a dead guy, because I figured if he didn’t need it in life, he certainly didn’t need it in death.
I bowl with cannonballs, because this is war, 1863 style. I could probably bowl a perfect 300 game using only half the deaths at Gettysburg.
She said she was a loser, and I argued she was a winner. I won the argument, thus losing the argument because my winning made her a loser.
Hockey started in Canada, but it won’t finish, because nothing is ever done. Only winners know that.
Sometimes I feel like the tenth dentist in the 9 out of 10 dentists surveys.
Who wants to give me a ride to work tomorrow? My only requirement is you wear roller skates and let me strap a crate on your back like a wooden roller coaster.
In this sad world I can never be sure. Of that I am certain.
