She said she’s so happy she could fly. I said, I’m glad you find those mechanical bird wings I made out of political rhetoric uplifting.
I’m always sad to leave Jax. So many magical moments here. Like the time I saw a rainbow give birth to a pot of gold, guarded by a dwarf in green.
As my grandpa probably said, “The man who has pajamas knitted to match those of his cat, must be a superior lover.” My grandpa died a virgin.
If swimming in gold were a sport, I’d be the Michael Phelps, and my winning would lead to more winning, as my gold made more gold.
I’m an extreme athlete. I’m into cuddling. I wonder if Red Bull would sponsor me.
I bought a faucet, but water wasn’t included. That’s like when you buy my love—it’s dirty and used, but soap isn’t included.
I am the robot in the machine. I eat wires and circuits and I was raised by a single motherboard. I also enjoy my hamburgers with ketchup, mayonnaise, and #FFFF00 mustard.
Grandpa often tells me I dance like my legs are engulfed in flames. I just go out there and put the fire of desire in women’s hearts.
I was on my way to being on my way when I noticed a rainbow. That’s when I got out my fishing net to try to catch some trout.
I watched the leaves change colors, and I thought, “People do that too. Their hair changes color as they age.” I remember that as my grandpa got older, his hair went from green to yellow to red, like a traffic light, only with slightly less honki...
I have moves like a go-go dancer mixed with Inspector Gadget’s go-go gadget legs. Do I detect you thinking not with your brain but with your Brain, in that you want to hump my leg?
I sprained my knee. I was Elbowing at the time. Elbowing is a new dance I invented for those random moments of romance that break out at funerals.
If I owned a retail store, I’d keep my shelves empty, so it appeared my product was so popular it was always sold out. Of course, I’d make no sales because I’d have no product to sell, but popularity plus exclusivity would just make people want...
Her last name was Purchase, and I was sold. I tried to buy, but as there was only one of her, she was OUT OF STOCK. Better luck tomorrow.
There should be a soup spoon on the end of fire truck ladders, because fires do nothing if they don’t warm up leftovers.
I’m the winner of the “Best Interpretive Dance” for my adaptation of Joyce’s Ulysses into crunk. That’s cool and all, but you should see my Dostoevsky.
In high school I used to sing in the shower. None of the football players liked it, because they were all naked and I was in a tuxedo.
You can’t win in love. But if you could, I’d be the clear victor. Vodka is also clear, and I must be drunk.
