Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You Quotes

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Tomorrow I don’t have to work, which means I don’t have to get up. I could just die in my sleep and nobody would care for 48 hours.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

When you were in the hospital, dying, I called your mom. I didn’t tell her you were gravely ill, but we did have phone sex.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Do you ever wonder if you’re the antichrist? I do. Not for myself of course, but I think you’re the devil.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Orafoura said to give love to the dragonflies. But only after you kill the dragons. And the flies.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

A job is like a politician struggling in the water. Be sure you hold it down.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Dear people of the world: If any of you have exceeded my expectations, it’s because I expect nothing from nobody.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

The older I get, the more I’ve got going for me. Each yesterday is a new me I’ve got working for my collective experience, like an army of clones.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

My name is Monika Ora Moniker, but you can call me MOM. Or dad will do just fine.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

My boy’s going to grow up so big and strong he’ll be able to beat up both his dad and his grandpa—at the same time. Though I hope he never has to do that. One at a time would be better. Starting with his grandpa.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I lost my virginity in the back seat of a Buick. Not because I’m a romantic, but because my grandpa and grandma were in the front seats.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Clothes are expensive. Save money and become a nudist. Remember: Fashions may change, but naked is always in style.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I’m afraid of my shadow, and my shadow’s afraid of the light. That’s why Noon is my best friend, and I hang out with him at midnight.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I know how to handle a sword, a gun, and a kangaroo pouch stuffed with marshmallows. You should fear me.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I’m not an unproductive liar—I’m a productive fiction writer. I make stuff. I make stuff up.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

My love grows long, and my smile is wide. My gaze is deep, and my penchant for making up words is apopleggio.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

You can burn down the building, and I won’t interfere or criticize. I’ll just say, “Hey, man, I hope you brought marshmallows.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Tell me you love me like you mean it, and tell me while your mouth is full of food.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You