Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You Quotes

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People who are attracted to both people and inanimate objects might find that mannequins make the ultimate sex partners. I know I sure did.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

The mascot for the New York Mets should be a handshake. But first, let me wash my hands.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

If 12 of the finest soldiers were asked to follow bravely into battle, and near certain death, then I’d be very grateful to be the 13th best fighter.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Guttenberg didn’t write the Bible—he just printed it. Gideon didn’t write the Bible—he just placed it into every nightstand in every hotel. And Orafoura doesn’t appear in the Bible—though he may have disappeared into it.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

My vanilla ice cream has chunks of vampire blood in it. Yum.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

When somebody asks me if they can fix me a sandwich, I say, “No thanks. The one I have isn’t broken.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

He not only stood three inches taller than me, but I sold him two of those three inches. (The third inch I tossed in for free.)

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I’m in the movie business. I tear ticket stubs.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Thank God for illegal products—because that’s where the largest percentages are made. Outlawing an industry immediately makes it a more profitable business to be in.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I’ll sell you one shoe for half off, since it’s half the set. But if you want the second shoe, it’ll cost you twice as much.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I want to open a 24-hour store called Closed. It’s open, and it’s Closed.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

To keep my cat from drinking out of the toilet, I could close the toilet lid, I could close the bathroom door, or I could pull my straw out of the water and stop setting a bad example.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I don’t own a cat. My cat owns a human.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I am the perfect snuggling companion. Ask any cat.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

My mustache is cute and furry, like a cat.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

How many indecisive people does it take to change the world? Just one. And then just one, the same one, to change it back.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You