Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You Quotes

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Walk Like A Pine Tree Day occurs on Stand Still Day. Orafoura and I observe both—and we observe whatever else we may be standing next to.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I am three forks away from eating all your food with two homeless guys. It’s too bad I only have a suitcase full of spoons and a bucket of soy sauce.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

If I were an actor, I’d be so ordinary I could only be an extra. Still, I’d be extraordinary.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

My actions endangered countless lives, because zero is countless.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I don’t know what the old you was like, but the new you, the older you than the old you, is new and fresh.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I don’t need a steak knife to cut my meat. That’s why karate chops were created. I’m like a butter knife, only slightly less deadly. But I’m great with bagels—and disobedient old people.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

A father and son walked into a bar, and the bartender didn’t serve either because the one didn’t look old enough. And he was right. Who becomes a dad in middle school?

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Everyone should drink of me, but I shouldn’t be drunk by everyone. I should be drunk all by myself.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Don’t leave me alone. Love me alone.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

America is a circus, and the politicians are the clowns.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

America is not a place, America is an idea—an idea that died along with my grandpa. And I’m sad to say I shot them both.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

If my clone were a painter, he’d be an impressionist.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

If I were a cave dweller, I wouldn’t draw on my living room walls like a caveman. No, I’d draw on my walls like Basquiat. Not a big difference aesthetically, but a huge difference in artistic credibility.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

By challenging the notion of what art is, Duchamp became a great artist. Also, Duchamp was a champion of Men’s Bathroom Attendants everywhere.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

If you had to sacrifice three people to save six people, would you do it? I would—if the three were politicians and the six were teachers, inventors, artists, or anybody but lawyers, lobbyists, or central bankers. I'd even sacrifice six politicians...

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You