Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You Quotes

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When I’m exhausted, I can sleep through anything. One time I slept though a wall—and there wasn’t even a door or opening.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Winter and spring blended together this year like ice in water, and I was left thirsting for love. I’d better lay off the saltine crackers.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Suicide is selfish. Don’t take your own life—take someone else’s.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I am becoming morbidly obese as we speak. So what’s the solution? To stop talking.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I heard Africa was having a drought, so I mailed them a bucket of tears. Hope that helps, fellas.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I once saw a baby make a boom-boom in his diaper, and I thought, I didn’t know infants could be terrorists.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I’ve spent a decade trying to stuff 10 years into 5.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Even if I didn’t have to deal with traffic and could teleport, I’d still be late all the time. The only difference is my excuses would have to be more efficient.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I like hunting trees, because they don’t run away. I call it hunting, but others might call it farming.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Gain a person’s trust through numerous small acts of benevolence, so you can lose their trust in one large act of self-enrichment.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Rather than die for your country, how about being willing to live for it? You can start by waking up.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Most of the time, I feel like Phelps. At least when I’m not winning Olympic gold medals, which is an all the time thing for me.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

You must overcome failure to succeed, and champions know how to lose. That’s why I don’t need to win to know that I’m a champion.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Chicks dig winners. That’s why I create my own awards for me to win.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I quartered a new word the other day. I didn’t just coin it, I flipped it and called in the air.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I put the anal in analysis. Now don’t you go putting your dick in my work.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Last night at work, I was short people. I was two midgets and a mute.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Too bad the buttons on my shirt don’t operate the elevator at work. If they did, maybe I wouldn’t have taken off my pants and taken the stairs.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You