I had a dream about you.” “Oh, what’s that?” “It’s a stream of senses and thoughts that happen during sleep. But that’s not important right now.”
I had a dream about you. You loved me, and I loved you. We had an amazing life until you realized that I also loved your clone. You were jealous, and I didn’t see the problem—I was in love with you, even if it wasn’t you. Plus, I was in love wi...
I had a dream about you. You thought we had everything we needed—food, water, shelter, and love. But I forgot to tell you that to buy the food, water, and shelter, I sold our love to a Silicon Valley investor who wanted to turn it into an app.
I had a dream about you. You were a finger food salesman, and I was a man with no fingers who sold wearable silverware (called Silverwear). Through a hand gesture, you indicated you were number one, and then you tried stabbing me with your index fing...
I had a dream about a poem once… that's all, I can't tell you about it because I had to sign an NDA.
I had a dream about you. Dinner for two turned into dinner for three when you told me you were pregnant. I was excited, but a little nervous, because we were at a fancy restaurant and I only had enough money in my wallet to pay for two. So being the ...
I had a dream about you. We were trying to come up with a hashtag to market our relationship. I suggested #fourlipsonekiss and #twomouthsonevoice, but you went with something confusing like #idontloveyou and #wearenotinarelationship.
I had a dream about you. You wanted to take a bath, and I wanted to take a shower. It started raining so we went in the lake so we could both win. Then you got struck by lightning, so I had to make love to someone else that night. I was very sad.
I had a dream about you. You were a test-tube salesman, and I was the world’s first test-tube baby. You were excited to meet me, and you asked me what I was doing with myself. I said I was a uterus salesman, and that life was good.
I had a dream about you. You were trying to swim across the Atlantic Ocean, and I figured I’d help you out so I brought a bucket to the beach and scooped out about a gallon of sea water. I was pleased with myself, because now you’d have that much...
I had a dream about you painting the scene of a house fire. The clocks were melting and Salvador Dali was riding around in a clown car muttering something about irony.
I had a dream about you. You wondered if there were any more honest men left in the world, and so did I, because I worked for the government, and if there were any honest men left in the world then it was my job to find them and kill them. After I ro...
I had a dream about you. You wanted to go skydiving, and I said, “Let’s try to rent Greg Louganis to be our coach.” You said it was two different kinds of diving, and I knew what you meant. We are heterosexual, and Greg is a homosexual. Though ...
I had a dream about you. You were a florist, and I was a floorist. You thought you were more romantic than me, but I knew all the barefoot women in the Nicholas Sparks fan club would disagree.
I had a dream about you. You started following me on Twitter, and then you started following me around town. I wouldn’t mind so much of you would start throwing your hashtags away, rather than tossing them into the street.
I had a dream about you. You claimed Orafouraville was a town, and I declared it a city. You said it was one resident shy of being a city, and I said, “So what if that one resident is shy? Do shy people not count as citizens? Do introverts not pay ...
I had a dream about you. We were debating the nature of love, and you said it was invisible, and I said it was the color of gold. You accused me of being a banker, and I accosted you for it. Nobody calls me a banker and lives to tell about it.
I had a dream about you. You winked at me and said the meat’s fresh, and I didn’t know which meat you were referring to. So I zipped up my pants and left the Men’s room in a hurry. I’d rather buy my thinly sliced beef somewhere else.
