I had a dream about you. You were a statue made of bronze, and I was in love with you. I tried to be patient, but I wanted more action than you could give me, so eventually I fell in love with a water fountain.
I had a dream about you. You were eating angel hair pasta with scissors, and I was a long-haired hippy. I yelled, “Eating pasta with scissors—a not so subtle way to say I need a haircut.” To which you replied, “Well I would have used silverwa...
I had a dream about you. You made phone books for a living, and I filled up your pages by impregnating as many women as possible. You said I was a living saint, and I said I couldn’t argue with you there. It’s too bad I can’t get a tax write-of...
I had a dream about you. The seasons changed, but you did not. You were the same old person you always were, only older. And I was the same old person I always was, only younger. Yes, I’d discovered the Fountain of Youth, and since we were such old...
I had a dream about you. The ice melted so quickly in our relationship that I didn’t even have a chance to tell you I loved you. So I just sat there, alone, slurping up what was left of us in a straw.
I had a dream about you. You were storing my brain in a pickle jar in the fridge, and I only discovered it when I went to garnish my hamburger. Mindless and hungry, I was a US politician’s ideal voter.
I had a dream about you. You were writing names and numbers in a book, and I asked if that was a phone book or the Book of Life. You answered in a way that blinded me with light, and I grew afraid. So I said, “Hey, what is that over there?” and I...
I had a dream about you. A stadium full of children in glowing white robes were singing your name like little angels, and I wondered who you were to be deserving of such praise. Then it was revealed to me that you were the inventor of the condom, and...
I had a dream about you. I told you I wanted to start running, so you bought me some horseshoes and a saddle. Well, the saddle was more for you. I wish people would stop comparing me to a certain animal based solely on the length of my penis.
I had a dream about you. You were trying to perfect the art of sexual intercourse, and I offered you the use of one of my statues to practice on. Artists have to stick together, even if one artist is sticking it to another artist’s work.
I had a dream about you, I was cooking dinner and you came out of the bathroom with a troubled look on your face. When I asked what was wrong you said "I have never been with a woman over 120lbs" I was confused but said nothing, then you said "The sc...
I had a dream about you. Too many people died that day for us to talk about love. But through the stench of rotting corpses, all I could think about was how beautiful you were and how much I wanted to avoid prison.
I had a dream about you. You told me my eyes were as pretty & blue as Windex. That was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me before.
I had a dream about you, you were at your old house walking around. When I asked what you were doing you explained to me that you were planning out your heaven, this was the happiest you had ever been and when you passed you where going to come back ...
I had a dream about you. You were a politician, and I was the last man alive who believed in you. That’s why society felt I was the perfect person to assassinate you, and I felt guilty until I realized that 1,000 ounces of gold can really clean a m...
I had a dream last night I was awake through the pregnancy but I fell asleep at birth when I awoke I was Pinocchio and stuck inside a tree, does that mean I don't have to listen to jazz anymore?
I had a dream about you. We spoke as though we shared one mind. And we did, though you got to use the brain on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, while I got it the other days of the week.
I had a dream about you starting a pet store. You didn't have any customers yet, and I was your guinea pig.
