This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks Quotes

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There’s only one way you can appreciate me in the bedroom—call my wife and get permission for me.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I remember that year as well as he does, though I was really young then and he is really old now. So I had no memory formation then, and he has Alzheimer’s now.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. It’s not like you have a reason to not trust me. So, lend me some money, and let me give you the reason you were looking for to not trust me. Wouldn’t you rather be proved right than not lose money?

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

If you’re thinking about killing someone, don’t. Not don’t kill them, but don’t think about it—just do it already.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

While I was there, the song reminded me of here. But now that I’m here, the song reminds me of there. But that’s neither here nor there.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I’d like to make the argument that The Cars were the first garage band.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

If I had a necklace made out of tiny suns, I’d only wear it at night when you could really see it. Sadly, I don’t have a necklace like that. The closest thing I have is a necklace made out of those glow in the dark stars you stick to bedroom ceil...

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I don’t understand the game of Cricket. But I do get the game of Noisy Night Insect.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I put a saddle on my salad, and I rode my horseradish to Rhode Island, where I was just in time to be late. I think I left my time zone change in my Arizona iced tea, so all I have to offer you to drink is water that’s been redirected from the Colo...

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

My book is awful,” I said.  “Nonsense,” Dora J. Arod said. “Your book is nonsense.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I run a Falconi Four operation out of my garage. If you’re not familiar with Vegas, you wouldn’t know what it is (it originated in Reno during the Falconi Reno Reign of Terror).

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

-I don’t want you to do anything. -Well then I won’t do anything.  -Thank you.  -Doing nothing, it’s the least I can do.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I sneezed into the wind, and closed my eyes and imagined my face was barraged by cool ocean spray.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

If I had the word “war” in my last name, like “Flowar,” I’d probably be a peaceful guy.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains work better.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I’d make a great politician. I’d make it out of pig shit, so it wouldn’t be as foul as it is now.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks