This Book Title is Invisible Quotes

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

An author named Arthur Arthurson would write about art, love, and road kill in Kenya. And I’d read him because I’m a meat eater and car enthusiast.

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Love is like a cookie. Maybe I should have ordered crackers with my condom soup.

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Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.

This Book Title is Invisible

We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in love with her. But she didn’t even know I existed, just as I didn’t know my clone existed. I still don’t know he exists.

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The quickest way to alter an altar is not with a hammer, or even religious deconstruction, but with a typo.

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It’s not that the risk isn’t worth the reward, it’s that the reward isn’t worth as much as another reward, which also has a lesser risk.

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When I get excited I drool. That’s why I buy bibs wholesale from my dentist. Based on that alone you could label me a romantic.

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I like sex. Let’s get a group together. You know, for a better discount.

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The difference between noon and midnight is the same as the separation between sex and masturbation. Sexually, you can find me at 6:00 sharp. Bring a condom and a glove—and don’t be late. 

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We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.

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If I remain silent, the proper response is, “You don’t say.

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The speaker was so boring that he put me to sleep. But he didn’t stop talking, so I had to wake up and tell him to keep his voice down, or stop talking altogether, while I was trying to take a nap. Geez. Some people can be so rude.

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When my internal voice goes external, and I’m in a noisy crowd, I can hardly hear myself think.

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Which is more valuable into showing how I think: the order I think of things, or the order in which I arrange them once I’ve thought of them?

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She called and said she had to cancel tomorrow. “Cancel tomorrow!” I shrieked. “Does that make today the last day, or at midnight tonight will the world just skip over to the day after tomorrow? But wouldn’t that still make it tomorrow?

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Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper.

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I don’t punch walls, because walls don’t punch back. I also don’t punch things that can and do punch back. 

This Book Title is Invisible

When certain people can’t figure out why a certain place produces a certain thing, they tend to say, “There must be something in the water.” And I always think, “Yeah, there is something in the water. They’re called fish. They grow on land,...

This Book Title is Invisible